High Conflict Separation / Divorce

Dear Parent/Caregiver,

As therapists, our ultimate goal is to provide the best possible care for your child. However, there are certain circumstances in which therapy can cause more harm than good. One of those is related to high conflict separation/divorce and/or unresolved issues such as; custody, access, decision making, or financial matters.

High conflict and/or uncertainty about the above issues can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety for children. Providing therapy at this time can actually add to the confusion and instability that children experience. It is always best that children and parents have a clear sense of the family situation and that the adult issues are resolved that may impact the children in order for therapy to have the best outcomes.

Additionally, therapy requires a certain level of trust between the therapist and the child (or any client). The child needs to feel comfortable and safe to be able to share their thoughts and feelings with the therapist. When adult conflict is high or if the child is unsure about custody arrangements they can be unsure what to say in therapy due to fear that it may make one of his/her parents upset or negatively impact their relationship with either parent. Due to this a barrier exists that prevents children from opening up in therapy and building trust with the therapeutic process and the therapist.

Waiting until high conflict, or adult issues are resolved can also provide a more supportive environment for therapy. Once those issues are sorted out children have a sense of greater consistency and predictability for their living situation and increased emotional stability. This, in itself, will provide a greater sense of security and safety, which also leads to better outcomes for therapy.

We understand that waiting to start therapy may be difficult for you and your child. However, we firmly believe that this is in the best interests of your child’s mental health and wellbeing. Once the high conflict, and adult issues have been resolved we would be pleased to work with your child to provide the support and care that your child needs to thrive.

In the meantime, we may be able to offer support/therapy to you, as a parent, with a focus on your needs and strengthening your parenting skills. There may also be other resources that you might find helpful, which we would be pleased to discuss with you.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or concerns.

Respectfully,

Nicole Hotson, H.B.A. (Psych)., M.S.W., R.S.W, C.P.T., C.P.T.S., She/Her
Owner/Executive Director
Registered Social Worker/Psychotherapist Certified Play
Therapist/Supervisor
Hope Child Therapy